Vaguely a Review | Barbie: Life in the Dreamhouse

Good day, dear Sprinkles. I was going to argue that because of time differences, it’s Sunday somewhere but actually…it isn’t. So oops. Nevertheless, today we—as in me—are watching Barbie: Life in the Dreamhouse. Although feel free to watch along with me because I’m not fabulous at providing context. We all have our flaws. Is it technically a kids show? Yes. DO I CARE? NO. This is one kids show (and there are at least a couple) that people older than 8 can definitely enjoy without banging their heads against a wall. Although maybe I should watch some of those shows because I think me losing my marbles is perhaps more entertaining than me actually enjoying a show. 

Similar to my previous review, this is less a review and more my running commentary and then some biased, vaguely review-like bit at the end. The episode (or collection of short episodes within an episode because Netflix) I’m going to be reacting/reviewing/watching/whatevering is “Best of Friends”. 

So enjoy! Or don't. Those are generally the main two options.

Okay, so the first episode within the episode is one about Barbie’s birthday. I love how this is set out like a reality TV show with their little interviews on the couch. Fair question, show: Y’ALL ACTUALLY how old is Barbie?

I love the mechanics of this show’s world, like you just press a button and 

POOF

Food appears. 

So apparently Ryan gives Barbie a cardboard cutout of himself for her birthday every year. BUT SOMEONE TELL ME WHY SHE KEEPS EVERY

SINGLE

ONE.

Like she has a whole ass room for them. If she gets one every single birthday, though, considering how many there are and that you can’t even see the back of the room, then age-wise it would seem as though she’s immortal and doesn’t age. Like a vampire. Except everything about her is pink and she lives in Malibu. So…an anti-vampire? But keeping the immortal-doesn’t age part?? I mean, I guess she could just be immortal without being a vampire and doesn’t age because SHE IS A DOLL. So perhaps I shouldn’t have brought the vampire part up at all. I think age is just vibes at this point. Like 

Shouldn’t she be 80?

No. 

How?

Plot. 

So at the beginning the friends are like nononono you can’t give BARBIE a charm bracelet. She has EVERYTHING. How basic. If I’m honest, I would actually trust her boyfriend to know what she needs more than her friends. Particularly when that boyfriend is Ken whose main role in the show is BE GOOD BOYFRIEND. THE MAN HAS BARBIE SENSES. THEY TINGLE. Hmm. That sounds bad out of context. But guess what? THE CHARM BRACELET WAS EXACTLY WHAT SHE WANTED AND DIDN’T HAVE. Shocker. Don’t doubt Ken. 

This is one of those moments where pausing at the worst time is fun because Barbie is mid-kissing Ken’s cheek and her nose has just ceased to exist. 

“You’re the best, most thoughtful boyfriend a girl could ask for.” – Barbie

Yes. Yes, that is the idea. 

So we are onto a new episode within the episode called “A Smidge of Midge”. Wow. Rhyming. Such good mouthfeel. Ew. The word mouthfeel does not have good mouthfeel. 

I love how through the entirety of this particular episode they have a laugh track. How quaint. NOT SKIPPER BEING THE ONLY ONE TO NOTICE THE LAUGH TRACK. 

WHO PUT THE CAT IN THE TABLE FLIPPY THING? THE RSPCA NEEDS TO GET INVOLVED. The table flippy thing just breaks all laws of logic because it doesn't just flip over to the other side; you can flip it like twenty times and get all different things. WHERE DID THEY COME FROM? WHERE DID THEY GO?

THIS PART: 

GASP

“You’re fully articulated?!” – Midge

It’s so brilliant how self-aware the show is of the fact that they are dolls. 

No, Skipper. Nobody does hear the laugh track. That’s just you and the viewers, girly. 

New episode within the episode. I missed the title. Moving on. 

“So you’re the Malibu me.” – Midge to Nikki

“So you’re the Willows me.” – Nikki to Midge

MEANWHILE TERESA HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS

“Wait, what does that make me? Seriously. Who am I?” – Teresa 

AND THEN IT JUST MOVES ON. 

And Raquelle just materialises because she sensed tension. Honestly that seems accurate. Then she starts filming and yelling for them to fight. That would be entertaining actually. 

FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT. 

Aw. 

They aren’t going to fight. 

They’re going to game show. 

Who is Barbie’s BFF? Watch the answer be that everyone is her BFF. 

I now need to google what polyvinyl chloride is because Midge what question were you answering where the answer was:

Sugar And

Spice

And 

POLYVINYL CHLORIDE

Ah. It's a plastic. You learn something new every day. Unless you already knew that. In which case…did you know that the official languages of Malta are Maltese AND English? Ta-da! You learn something new every day…unless you knew that too. In which case I guess you don’t GET to learn something new every day. Back to polyvinyl chloride. A plastic that is, in fact, used to make Barbie dolls, so I reckon the original question was probably ‘What is Barbie made of?’. 

Sugar, spice and polyvinyl chloride. Seems accurate. 

They constantly mention schlond poofas. Is that an actual thing? I think…not. Imma google it. We’re just constantly learning things here. Yeah…education…definitely what this blog is good for (it’s not, don’t trust me). Yeah it’s a made-up gag in the show. I KNEW THAT.

Raquelle has just found out she isn’t mentioned “even in a footnote” in the Barbie encyclopedia. She’s even less important than Isaac Higgintoot (someone please get my reference). 

SLEEPOVER EP. SO FUN. 

So the sleepover app Barbie has is a list of everything you need for the perfect sleepover. Does that really need to be an app? Does that need to exist? That sounds like it could just be oh I don’t know A LIST?

So Ryan says:

“Fact: when girls are scared they jump into the arms of the nearest boy”

Is that a fact though? Personally, as a girl, when I’m scared, I turn into a tiny ball on the ground like an armadillo or something. The kind of armadillo that curls into a ball. Some armadillo species (apparently) jump into the air rather than going into a ball, which is actually very funny. ANOTHER NEW THING TO LEARN EVERY DAY. You’re welcome. 

I have skipped reacting to an episode because I was distracted by armadillos and other things. ANYWAY. Episode within the episode about rain. 

“What a bunch of cream puffs” – Midge

I love that actually. I would like to start calling people cream puffs. 

A GENERIC FLYING DISC. 

I did not know that Frisbee was trademarked or whatever. Is it? Generic flying disc. Brilliant. Come on kids, let's go to the park and we can play a game of Ultimate Generic Flying Disc. 

So that’s the end of the episode. Overall, as I kind of said at the beginning, I think Barbie: Life in the Dreamhouse is a very good show, not just for cream puffs (I know this usage doesn’t quite work; just let me have it). It’s colourful and fun for kids, but it’s also meta and set up in a faux-reality tv show way that makes it funny for older people. They also occasionally forget to add noses when they think you aren’t looking. It’s obviously not a deep show, but it’s a fun, light watch. 

Hope you enjoyed me actually retaining my sanity. Tragically, however, I cannot force enjoyment upon you. I’ll get to work on that. 

Josie xx